Re: Erin Andrews: Get a life, losers

So as a life-long sports fan, I've known who Erin Andrews is for quite some time. I'm not sure why ESPN and others hire mostly attractive women to roam the sidelines during sporting contests (I'm not sure I pay any more attention to what Erin has to say than what Jack Arute says) but they do. And of course, being on the upper end of the attractiveness scale, they attract heightened interest from a nearly total male viewership while off the playing field as well. Wait, maybe ESPN is on to something here...

So it shouldn't be too surprising that, in this voyeuristic age where nearly anyone, anywhere and at any time can be filmed or photographed and that image can be seen by millions in a matter of hours, someone should succumb to their inner douchebaggery and surreptitiously videotape Erin in the buff. Whether for personal gratification (ewww, yes, I said it) or for profit, this is the lowest of the low and I hope the perpetrator gets the legal system equivalent of a hydrochloric acid enema for their crime.

I applaud TMZ and others for giving the Heisman to whomever is trying to peddle this video for cash. And to those of you out there who have managed to find the video virus-free and watch it over the last several days, you suck. You have no more right to see it than did the asshat who made it have the right to film it. Just because you are able to view the video anonymously at your computer makes it no different than if you filmed it yourself. If you are that desperate to see a woman naked, buy porn.

Finally, to those that justify viewing it by claiming it could be some publicity stunt: shut the hell up. Are you kidding me? What on earth could she possibly gain by doing this? If you believe she did this on purpose, you are an idiot. She would be much more likely to ruin a thriving (and lucrative) career as a sports personality than to gain anything by knowingly taking part in something this stupid. Get a life.

Should Sanford resign?

Yes. He should have done it yesterday. To even think that he can be an effective governor going forward is ridiculous. He lost the confidence of other Republican leaders long ago and his little disappearing act should be the death knell of his political career.

To be clear, he should not resign for infidelity alone. I have opinions that I will expand upon later relative to cheating but for now, the fact he vanished for days without telling anyone where he was going or how he could be reached is easlity reason enough. And all the other questions about whether he used state funds to carry on his affair or whether he asked his staff to lie are all pretty irrelevant (complete aside: Pat Caddell? Can't Fox find a Democrat who has actually worked in the last 30 years?). I don't care if he was leaf-peeping in Vermont or just couldn't wait any longer to visit famed Cadillac Ranch. A governor cannot simply just disappear. He is clearly going through a personal crisis that makes him utterly and completely unfit to be governor.

We recalled a governor in California for being just your run-of-the-mill bad governor. However, he, like Sanford, also had a tenuous relationship with other leaders in his own party that became his ultimate undoing. Mark "Bottom-Line Guy" Sanford should quit before he drags his state, his party and his family through an official process that will only delay the inevitable. And he should do it now.

Are more debates really better?

If Keith Olbermann is within spitting distance, the answer is clearly "no." This self-important douche nozzle certainly isn't going to make anyone forget Walter Cronkite anytime soon with his performance at the AFL-CIO sponsored Democratic debate in Chicago last night. For starters, he chided the audience for cheering too much. Asking 17,000 steam fitters and HVAC installers to pipe down is like asking Britney Spears to stay home with her kids, it simply isn't in the DNA, know what I mean?

Having been the lesser half of an ESPN super-duo, however, he couldn't stop himself from injecting the cheater into the debate. The result was the following:

MODERATOR KEITH OLBERMANN: Senator Obama, were you president of the United States today, would you honor Barry Bonds at the White House?

OBAMA: Well, first of all, he’s still got to hit one more, and it’s been taking a while. And I had the opportunity to meet Hank Aaron just this past weekend. It reminded me of what sports should be, and that is something that young people can look up to. Now, Barry Bonds has been a remarkable baseball player, and I honor his achievements. But I hope that all of us are focused on making sure that sports is something that kids can look up to, not something that they start feeling cynical about. We’ve got cynicism in politics without having cynicism in our sports teams as well.

OLBERMANN: Is that a no, sir, or a yes?

OBAMA: Well, like I said, he hasn’t done it yet, so we’ll answer the question when it comes.

Huh wha??? Where do I start?

Let's start with douche nozzle's question. Hmmm, which one of these is not like the other: war, terrorism, NAFTA, honest government and, um, baseball. This questions screams, "Look at me! I'm the important question-asking douche nozzle guy who wants to remind everyone how clever I think I am!"

Not to be outdone, however, a charismatic, articulate, intelligent Barack Obama dropped a verbal deuce right there on the stage. My dog's farts smell more pleasant than that answer. I mean, really Barack? That's the best you can do? Who in the world are you afraid of offending? At a minimum I would expect someone vying to be the leader of the free world to not be scared to answer this simple question.

Ideally, however, the following answer would have been most appropriate and made him the hands-down winner of the debate:

OBAMA: Keith, let me start by saying that might be the worst question in a presidential debate since Bernie Shaw made us endure the mental image of a raped and murdered Kitty Dukakis. There are 17,000 people here tonight. When they leave here, they go home and worry about their job security, maybe they worry about keeping their health insurance or are struggling with saving for retirement. They have kids in overcrowded or unsafe schools or maybe they have sons and daughters fighting in Iraq or Afghanistan and pray every day their child comes home safe. They came here tonight because they wanted to know how we are going to make America better, safer and perhaps provide some real security in their lives. These people here tonight and their families are my first, second, third, fourth and fifth priorities. In fact, I'm not sure Barry Bonds makes my top 10 priorities and I feel safe in saying it's not a priority for these folks here tonight either.

BOOM! Soldier Field would have erupted as if Brian Urlacher had just delceated Brett Favre. Instead we were treated to the equivalent of a Rex Grossman 4 interception performance.

Is this the best we can do?

Steroids 1, Baseball 0

Anyone who has ever been a real baseball fan should wear a black armband and make a toast to the official end of Major League Baseball. It's been dying for years thanks to unbridled greed by players, owners and agents, strikes and threatened strikes, and guaranteed contracts (is Baltimore still paying Albert Belle?).

But any sports fan with a shred of conscience, after tonight's massacre of an honorable man's record by a cheater who coincidentally happens to be a lifetime colossal prick, should take their turn heaping a shovelful of dirt on this dead mockery of a pastime. The same hypocritical assholes that say Pete Rose is forever unwelcome to appear on a Hall of Fame ballot despite the fact that his all-time hit record is undoubtedly authentic are the same jerkoffs who want the voters to be on the hook for deciding Bonds' fate.

Anyone who buys an MLB jersey, t-shirt or hat or who spends one thin dime supporting this racket should be declared unfit to do anything beyond bludgeoning themselves with frozen cod.

Someday...maybe...

Someday, I'll get some stuff posted. Probably.